Persistent
by twinklelightning
Summary: Lily Evans thought she hated James Potter, but she finds herself falling for him even while she is eclipsed by her growing depression.
1. A Good Start

**Disclaimer: I don't own J.K. Rowling's characters, names, world, etc. (You know the drill)**

**Disclaimer: Cover art belongs to anxiouspineapples (She's really great!)**

**Lily and James are going to pick up after mending things at the end of sixth year. I don't want to type that, so use your imagination.**

**A/N: So here we are. I hope you like it! It may be a little bit awkward at first because I've never really tried this before... Oh well! Enjoy!**

* * *

Beep. Beep. Beep.

I groaned and smashed my hand into the alarm clock, ignoring the painful jolt that ensued. Needless to say, I got up pretty quick, even if I did grumble all the while. Flinging the door open, I took the stairs two at a time and I was clearly thinking about what I was going to to eat when I crashed head-on into a particularly blonde and skinny sister of mine.

"Lily!" Petunia shrieked, sounding very similar to a rat, "Watch where you're going! You _almost_ messed up my hair, you freak!" She narrowed her ugly mud-brown eyes with clear disgust, and her nose scrunched up when she took in my pajamas. Did I mention I was wearing a large t-shirt and no bottoms?

"What are you doing up this early anyways, Petunia?" I countered and crossed my arms over my chest to prove that I was mad at her, "Are you just getting in?" Petunia, of course, squealed her no, but her face gave it away. She was with Vernon Dursley, that disgustingly overweight boyfriend of hers.

I grunted and shoved past her, and began to dig around in the pantry for a cereal. When I found one that I actually wanted to eat, I dumped some of it in a bowl and poured some milk in without bothering to check if I had spilled.

After eating, I showered and got dressed. With a sinking feeling in my stomach, I realized that this was my last year at Hogwarts. At least I had gotten Head Girl, even if the Head Boy was James Potter. I despise him, even if he was incredibly cute and very, very fit. He was still an arrogant little git. Not to mention he and Sirius have so many detentions under their belts it's a wonder how he got Head Boy at all. I had hoped it was going to be Remus, as his company was the most enjoyable out of all four Maruaders.

In fact, Remus and I had been dating halfway through our Fourth Year, until James found out and almost killed Remus. Remus, being Remus, apologized and broke up with me, saying something about how 'he thought James was over me'. Apparently not. Despite this, Remus and I are still friends and surprisingly, it's not awkward at all. He only kissed me once, though. He was rather good at it.

I shook my head and threw a deep blue dress into my trunk, deciding that maybe I could wear it to a dance. Okay, maybe not. I sighed and dragged my trunk downstairs before heading upstairs to get my owl, Henn. She hooted feebly when I woke her to put her in the cage, so I gave her an owl treat. _That_ shut her right up.

"Oh, Lily, honey! We have to to!" My mother popped out of her room, pulling on her shoes and coat. "I overslept! I'm terribly sorry, honey, I really am, but I promise I didn't mean to sleep this late, but I was just very tired and I j-"

"Mum, it's alright. We don't have to leave for another five minutes, but if you want to go, then we can go," I cut my red-headed mum off, knowing full well she has a horrible sense of time and rambles on about how 'terribly sorry' she is.

Everyone says I look just like her, but my eyes are different. Much different. We harbor the same dark auburn hair, the same nose, the same everything, but my mums eyes are a bright shade of brown. I know that she and Petunia have the same color of eyes, but my mum is so lively the color just brightens on her. My eyes, I'm pleased to note, are a vibrant emerald green. My dad says I get it from my grandmother, but she died when I was young so I'll just have to take his word for it.

He also says Petunia looks very much like her; blonde hair, bony structure, horsey teeth and all. I can't tell you how pleased I am that I look like my mum, as my dad expresses to me every now and then as well. Speaking of my dad, he probably just left for work when I got up. He has a meeting today, apparently. Poor bloke.

Petunia gnashed her teeth on a celery stick, bringing me back to reality. She was glaring at me, and it looked a little bit unnerving with her killing her celery.

"Well... Have a good start at college, Tuney. I'll be back for the Holidays," I tried to sound cheerful, but she merely made a small noise at the back of her throat and turned away. Mum sighed and ushered me out the door.

Tuney and I never got along after I got my Hogwarts letter. She was jealous, you see, so when I met a boy named Severus Snape, who apparently was also going to go to Hogwarts, I was quite pleased. He told me that he was a half-blood, and when I asked him, he said that I was a muggleborn. At the time I worried that me being from a muggle family would make me less smart than all the other kids, but Severus assured me I'd be okay.

Severus became my best friend after Tuney's harsh rejection of our friendship caused me so much grief. That is, until he called me a mudblood. I had never felt so betrayed in my life. Ever since then, I resigned to being as cruel as possible to him whenever he tried to speak at me. I think he finally got the hint last year that I really would jinx his boy parts into oblivion if he ever spoke to me again.

"Oh! We're here!" Mum shouted and indeed, we were at King's Cross. She helped me by taking Henn and we grabbed a cart and loaded everything on it. I stood in front of the barrier of the platform, took a deep breath, and was about to run through when suddenly my mother burst into tears.

"Oh, L-Lily! I'm j-just so proud of you!" She embraced me, and then looked at me with a look so full of emotion I felt my throat close up. "S-Sorry.. go on, honey. Don't worry about me, okay?" Mum looked up at me, her eyes full of tears, and gave me one last hug. I felt kind of bad about leaving her when she was so upset, but I really couldn't miss the train.

I gave on last look over my shoulder before crossing the barrier to Platform 9 ¾. The first thing I spotted was the scarlet steam engine when suddenly a curtain of black hair assaulted my face. Sputtering all the while, I was then aware of all of my air being squeezed out of my lungs with an extremely tight hug.

"Hestia," I began, "Please stop! You're going to kill me!" Almost at once, my best friend Hestia Jones let go of me. I laughed at her before following her onto the train.

"I'll be right back, Lily! I promise!" Hestia lengthened the o in promise before disappearing out of the compartment. I shook my head and pulled my trunk close to me before lifting it up above my head so I could place it in the luggage rack. Everything was going smoothly until I bumped my elbow and I dropped my trunk. I braced myself for an impact, but someone had placed their hands around my waist and pulled me back.

Relief flooded through me, and suddenly I was aware that it wasn't Hestia who had grabbed me. It was a boy. I could only see his arms, but I could smell him and it was very masculine. In fact, I was rather cozy in this mystery man's arms until he spoke up.

"You comfortable, Evans?" James Potter snorted, and I could feel him silently laughing. I pushed myself out of his arms and whipped around to glare at him. This just made him laugh even more. Git.

"Potter! Don't ever do that to me again!" I shoved him against the compartment door. He was practically howling with laughter now.

"But you liked it in my arms, didn't you? You weren't complaining before you knew it was me!" James grinned triumphantly after I started to protest. "So Evans, fancy going to Hogsmeade with me?"

I narrowed my eyes. "No. Now if you're done laughing at me, then I would very much like to do our Head's duties." I pulled out some parchment and a quill. "We're starting with Hogsmeade weekends."

* * *

Hestia, doubled over with laughter, was about to wet herself. "I j-just can't believe you actually liked it in his arms!" She pounded on the seat she was on before she slid off onto the floor. Honestly, what was wrong with that girl? It's not like James and I would ever get together. He's too much of a prat for that.

"Lily, it's perfectly okay to like James, you know," Marlene McKinnon, my other best friend, said from over this morning's edition of _The Daily_ _Prophet_. Seeing the scowl on my face, she broke into giggles as well. "I'm sorry, Lils, but everyone thinks you two will end up together! It just makes sense!"

I scowled again and turned to look out of the window. What was their problem anyways? Obviously I would never date James. Even if he was incredibly good-looking and he smelled so good… no, stop thinking about that Lily. You don't like him! You were just caught up in the moment. Yes, that has to be it.

Despite this, I couldn't stop myself from thinking about James for the rest of the train ride. I kept trying to think about how well the prefect meeting went, but I just couldn't! Okay, maybe I was attracted to him, but not because of how he acts. He's just fit!

"Oi, earth to Lily! Get dressed, I can see the castle," Hestia threw my Hogwarts robes at me and rolled her eyes. "I mean really, you've been off in La La Land the whole train ride." This time I was the one who rolled my eyes. I changed quickly and grabbed my trunk, making sure not to drop it again.

I sighed and followed Marlene and Hestia out of the compartment, only to crash right into a certain messy haired someone.

"Can't get enough of me then, Evans?" James smirked and twirled me around, "It's okay. I understand that you always want to be near me."

I was about to retort when I heard the bark-like laughter of Sirius Black from behind James. I peered behind the certain someone who shall not be named to glare at Sirius, but to my surprise, Remus was standing behind both of them with a very pretty Ravenclaw girl tucked under his arm.

"Um, Remus? Who's your friend?" I inquired, ignoring the slightly embarrassed look on Remus' face. I mean, someone needed to be picked on out of these three. It didn't have to be Remus, but hey, I'm pissed.

"Evelyn Clearwater," The girl piped up, her long black hair bouncing around her face. "I'm in Sixth Year, so you might not recognize me." In fact, I did recognize her, but only because I've had to listen to Sirius go on and on about her ever since she hit puberty in Fourth Year. I'm pretty sure Sirius is a little miffed that Remus got her instead of him, but Sirius would probably dump her after two weeks anyways.

"Nice to meet you," I said, and turned to look at James when he poked me in the shoulder.

"Can we talk before dinner?" He asked, "Heads duties! McGonagall told me earlier."

I nodded, only hearing something about Heads duties. He was going to try and talk to me alone anyways, so it's better to just get it over with fast. "Move on, now, I'm hungry!"

* * *

"I'm going in next!" Hestia announced, pushing me out of the way. Who does she think she is? I sighed and was about to go on when Marlene did the same thing. Why are they being so bossy today?

I climbed on next, but to my dismay, I found that the only open seat was next to Potter, and of course I would have to be touching him. Fantastic. I flopped down on the seat, shooting daggers at my so-called friends who were promptly ignoring me. If they think that this would get us together, they thought wrong. Very, very wrong!

I glanced out at the passing scenery, trying to ignore the fact that Evelyn kept stealing glances of me out of the corner of her eye.

"You're very pretty, you know," Evelyn whispered to me after what seemed like the longest minute of my life.

"Oh.. thanks, you are too," I whispered back awkwardly, but Evelyn didn't seem to notice as she was already beaming and then snuggled into Remus' chest. I gazed at them longingly, but then ignited a conversation with Hestia.

We_ were _talking about future careers after Hogwarts, as we had both decided to be aurors, when Marlene interrupted; "Well, Lily, I'm going to work at St. Mungos. Then I can just patch you both up and send you back off onto the field." I rolled my eyes at her, completely ignoring James who was trying to inch his arm around my shoulders. When he got about halfway across, I slapped it away before returning to my conversation.

The carriage ride ended soon after, and I gladly jumped out of it. Before I got too far, James had grabbed my hand and turned me around.

"Now, Lily, you said we could talk," James looked at me for a moment before continuing, "But I just think that you should go out with me now! I promise I'll behave!"

I _know_ that James has changed drastically over the last year, but I really can't just turn my whole life around and say 'Oh, of course James! Let's get together!' when I really don't like him very much still. He obviously doesn't understand this, but if I'm going to be spending practically all my time with James nearby because we're both Heads now, then I would very much like to be friends with him. Okay, kind of friends with him.

"No, no, and no! I'm going to learn not to fight with you over every little thing because we're both Heads now, but I will _not _go out with you," I spat angrily and yanked my hand out of his. Marlene thinks I'll break his heart and he'll give up soon if I don't say yes, but I really don't think I will. He always looks slightly depressed whenever I reject him, but he's been totally infatuated with me ever since First Year.

Without waiting for his reply, I stormed off to the castle.

* * *

I sat with Marlene, Hestia, and Marlene's fifth year brother during dinner before the sorting. Hestia's older brother graduated three years ago, but her younger sister was being sorted this year. Hestia is a bit of an oddball in her house, as her family is predominantly Ravenclaw, though her aunt and one of her cousins are Hufflepuff. It was probably a bit of a shock when Hestia was sorted into Gryffindor because her family is usually very.. bookie.

"Jones, Hannah" Professor McGonagall called, and looked through the crowd of First Years. A small girl who looked very similar to Hestia, including the long, straight black hair, stepped up and sat on the stool. Immediately when the Sorting Hat was placed on her head it called out,

"RAVENCLAW!"

Hestia looked crestfallen for a moment. She had confided in me earlier that she was hoping her sister would get put in Gryffindor, but she recovered quickly and cheered. I patted her on the back just to make sure she was okay.

Dinner went by in a blur filled with extremely good food. I leaned back lazily, my eyes feeling very heavy, when suddenly Dumbledore stepped up to give his speech.

"Welcome back to Hogwarts! Just a few quick reminders to tell you; Filch reminds you that any Zonko's products will be confiscated and are, most certainly, not allowed. All students should remember to stay out of the Forbidden Forest, and away from the Whomping Willow tree, as you may experience a painful death by crossing either one."

At this, the First Years glanced at each other nervously.

Dumbledore cleared his throat to silence the younger kids nervous murmuring. "I will not talk any longer! You all have warm, cozy beds to go sleep in, as I'm sure you're all feeling very full. Sleep tight, and don't let the Nargles bite." His twinkling blue eyes fell on Xenophilius Lovegood as he said this before he sat down.

Now.. WHAT in the name of Merlin is a Nargle? Hestia and Marlene were clearly thinking the same thing, as we all looked at each other before getting up and heading off to Gryffindor Tower.

I could already tell it was going to be a good year.

* * *

**Sorry if it's a bit short! The next chapters will get longer, I promise!**

**Anyways, I'm hoping to upload at least one chapter every week, though if I'm feeling particularly inspired, you'll probably get 2 or 3. Probably going to upload them on Fridays and/or Saturdays so I can have a whole week to get through a chapter and all the editing and things like that. **

**On another note, thanks to the best editor in the world Hannah for checking through my story for me! (If we missed something then.. oops?)**

**Pleaaaaase review! **


	2. Pain

**Cover art belongs to anxiouspineapples (she's on tumblr and deviantArt)**

**Also, side note, Lily and James had mended their relationship in the end of 6th year. They ARE friends, but, I don't want to write their sixth year so you'll have to that wonderful head of yours to fill in the gaps. Hope that cleared up some of your confusion about the upcoming chapter(s).**

* * *

I woke up to falling off of my bed when I rolled over. The floor was very cold.

"Ahh!" I screamed and scrambled up off of the floor. I realized I should have stayed quiet as it was five in the morning, but of course, all the other inhabitants of the dorm started to wake up.

"Lily?"

"Lils?"

"Are you okay, Lil?"

"_WHO_ is making all of this racket? I, unlike all of you ignorant twats, have to get beauty sleep!" Emmeline Vance hissed before closing her curtains forcefully and rolling over, effectively hiding her face-masked green face from view.

"Oh.. 'm alright, I just fell out of my bed," I brushed off my pajamas, "Go back to bed, it's early."

Alice, Marlene, and Hestia easily complied. After all, it was five in the morning, and Hestia and Marlene kept me up until two in the morning having an alleged 'girls-only welcome back party' which consisted of LOTS of food. The Marauders wanted to stay up and party too, but Remus dragged them all off to bed. I've always liked that bloke.

I laid in bed, unable to go back to sleep. I sighed and walked to the bathroom where I showered, put on my makeup, and got dressed. With a sigh I realized that I had patrol tonight. James has his first tomorrow, as we- well I- decided we should try and get to know some of the new Prefects. How long he'll listen, I don't know.

It was still only 6:30. For a minute I considered waking Hestia or maybe even Marlene, but I know that they hate being up early. So, I left them where they were, and went down to the common room. _Maybe I'll send a letter back home and see how everybody is, _I thought. I pulled out some parchment and a quill and sat down to think.

_Mum-_

_School has started off really well. I think you'll be happy to know that I have all of my priorities straight at the moment. It's not time for N.E.W.T.s yet and as of yet I haven't gone to any classes, so no stressing for me! I'm really hoping to do well so I can be an auror. Oh yeah, an auror is like a police officer of the magical world. Don't worry about me, I'll do fine._

_I hope you and dad are okay, what with me around! I know that I'm just the light of your life, huh?_

_Anyways, I'm just owling to tell you that I love you! Also, when is Petunia getting married? Or has that big git not proposed yet? Either way.. ew, ew, ew!_

_Love, Lily_

I smiled and rolled up the parchment and tied it with a string. For some strange reason my mum liked to have me tie my letters with a string. I know that the letter was short, but I couldn't be bothered.

I meandered up to the owlery and even coaxed Henn to send the letter for me at only 7 in the morning. That's actually pretty great. My owl is not a morning person.. no, owl... crazy, I know. It really does put a hamper on things.

* * *

Humming quietly to myself, I was about to enter the Great Hall for breakfast when someone scoffed behind me, "There's the mudblood.."

I whipped around, furious, and looked around for the source of the noise. Instantly my eyes honed in on Mulciber, Zabini, and Avery. They were always making snide remarks about me, and they once took it so far as to comment on how "I filled out a bra fantastic". This made James incredibly angry, so he jinxed Zabini which resulted in this all-out Death Eater Slytherin/Marauder battle until McGonagall came along and literally just started handing out detentions one after another.

Mulciber's eyes instantly flew to my chest, and really, it looked like he was mentally undressing me. That's it, he's gone too far. I've had enough.

"Stop it! You think that just because I'm muggleborn I can't handle myself?!" I screamed, my face becoming redder by the second. They made the mistake of laughing.

I walked up to Mulciber and punched him as hard as I could in his jaw. Zabini's happiness turned to anger and he shoved me away.

"What the hell, mudblood? You don't deserve to touch someone as pure as him, you filthy mudblood whore!" He whipped out his wand, but James got there first again. I mean really, does this guy just stalk me or something? How does he always turn up in moments like this?

"Shut the fuck up, Zabini!" James pushed him harder than the foul-mouthed Slytherin had pushed me, "Stay away from Lily!"

Avery hissed and pulled Zabini and Mulciber up. "Lets go eat now, they aren't worth it." He added a quiet remark of, "We'll get her soon, Mulciber."

I didn't hear it, though. Apparently neither did James, who was seething at the moment. I didn't even try to placate him because I knew that he would just protest and say that if he hadn't showed up they might have violated me or something. As true as that remark would be, it didn't happen. Yet I still felt grateful that somebody had cared enough to step in, even if it was that Potter boy.

"Oh, um, thanks James," I said awkwardly, not sure what to be doing with my hands. So, I just walked into the Great Hall and endured the shouts of mudblood that always greeted me. I sat next to Hestia and Marlene and quickly told them what had happened.

"How could they do that? Mulciber needs to learn a lesson if he thinks he can do that!" Hestia growled, and, gripping her wand tightly, she made to get up but I pulled her back down.

"They'll gang up on you, Hest, and lets face it, you're shorter than me, and I'm only 5'6. They're all at the very least 6 foot, so just cool it, all right?" I didn't really mean it as a question. It was more of an order. Because somehow I knew that this mudblood business that was floating around wouldn't end soon. I was the only one in my group of friends that had to endure it. Marlene was pureblood, and Hestia was a halfblood, but even her father was a pureblood and her mother was even a halfblood as well. Even all four of the Marauders are pureblooded, and that's just something that's getting harder and harder to overlook. Even at the ministry people were discriminating against muggleborns, people like me. I hated it. I hated it so much and it made my blood boil.

* * *

McGonagall lectured us on how much N.E.W.T.s affect our future and all that. To be honest, I wasn't really listening. I only listened when she explained the spell we would be trying.

I waved my wand and said the incantation, and the kitten I was supposed to be turning into a puppy instantly turned into it's supposed target, but it's back right paw was still ginger and not brown. I sighed and attempted to fix it, but, seeing as it wouldn't go, I just altered it's appearance with a spell we learned late last year and turned the paw the right shade of brown. McGonagall didn't notice, but Marlene did.

"Lils, you don't usually give up like that.. Are you okay? Is that Mulciber thing still bothering you?" Marlene's eyes shone with worry and she looked at me as though she was trying to peer into my soul. It was a bit creepy. I think I should be able to sit in class and not worry about every inch of my well-being inspected by other people.

"I'm okay, I just figured it'd be okay. I mean, I got all of the body parts transferred and changed correctly, and that's all that really matters right now anyways, right?" I droned on, not really noticing what I was saying. To be honest, the Mulciber thing _was_ bothering me.

* * *

Night came quickly. I spent ages by the fire doing the allotted homework. They gave us SO much! Really, there has to be a limit. I sighed and leaned against the wall I was waiting by. Some Hufflepuff 6th year was supposed to be meeting me here, but he hadn't showed up yet.

I took his absence as an excuse to sit down for a few minutes and think. If he was late, he would show up fairly soon, so I would wait. After I waited, I would just do the rounds by myself, because there really wasn't any option there.

I wondered what Hestia and Marlene were doing without me. They were always closer than Hestia and I because they had known eachother since they were 6. I only met them when I was 12, but we were still best friends. But they always had these secret jokes and things to talk about, and if they were offered a chance to be together instead of one of them being with me they would take that offer. When all three of us are together, sometimes I would catch them silently laughing over something when they thought I wasn't looking or talking about something silently. It infuriated me, depressed me, and confused me. Why couldn't they talk about it with all three of us knowing about it? Also, what are they even talking about? I bet it's about me.

I really did feel like a third wheel. If I was absent they never questioned it, and only relished in the chance to spend time together without me. Last Summer I even invited Marlene over, but she said she had family plans. Then when I asked Hestia if she would like to come, she said that she was grounded. But when I asked Marlene about her family plans on the first night back, she looked confused and asked me what I was even talking about. So I know that they probably spent the whole entire Summer together while I was stuck at home enduring Petunia's remarks. This hurt me more than I thought it would. I felt like I had no one when it all boiled down to it, and this feeling of being alone and having nothing to do about it made me upset. I hated feeling like that.

No, no, they care about me. I shouldn't think like that. Deciding I had had enough time to think, I got up off of my arse and started strolling through the corridors. Obviously this kid wasn't going to show, so I wasn't about to sit there and wait for him. If he decided to start being a stinking Prefect then he would try and find me. Somehow I knew that he wasn't busy. I think he just didn't want to patrol with the _mudblood._

I sighed and followed the stone steps down to the dungeons. It was risky, going down there alone, especially after what happened today, but I didn't care. I felt alone and I wasn't really noticing anything. In fact, I passed a broom cupboard when I first got down in the dungeons where two people where shagging. I was going to open it and tell them off, and probably even give them a detention, but I decided I wouldn't. Who cares, anyways? Let them be young and reckless. I didn't care at the moment, frankly.

I found myself turning random corners, not thinking about where I was headed. Suddenly, the noise of people came from behind me and I whipped around.

"Honestly, guys, why do you keep sneaking out at night? I know that Remu-" I started, but my eyes widened when I realized that it was Mulciber, Avery, and Zabini who had been talking behind me. I regretted even turning around. I regretted even saying something. I regretted even coming down here.

"What are you doing out after curfew?" I questioned, trying to hide the fear in my voice. My hand clinged onto my wand, hoping I wouldn't have to use it.

They started towards me and I ran like hell. I knew that they could catch me, as they were all tall seventeen year old boys and I was incredibly short and I've never really ran incredibly fast. Without thinking, I flew into an empty classroom. They passed it and I let go of the breath I didn't even know I was holding, thinking that the danger had passed.

I was wrong. So incredibly wrong.

"Think you could escape us, mudblood?" Mulciber hissed as he and his cronies shuffled into the room and they shut it with a slight snap. I barely noticed them casting a silencing charm on the room. All I knew was that they were blocking the door and that they might kill me.

"W-What do you want with me?" I tried to be strong, I really did. But there was something foreboding around the room.

"We're going to kill you, Red!" Avery announced with barely suppressed glee, "But first, maybe we can get a bit more.."

Mulciber moved towards me and tried to unbutton my shirt. Oh, no you don't. Hold your horses there. I pushed him off and tried to sock him in the nose for good measure, but hands closed on me from behind and pulled me away. I started to scream and kick and I knew that I had hit the, uh.._ intended_ target when a loud grunt sounded in the room. I whipped around to find Avery holding himself on the ground, clearly pained. I knew that he would be up and running again soon, but there wasn't much I could do.

"You filthy mudblood!" Zabini yelled, and I was about to jinx him into oblivion when he screamed:

"CRUCIO!"

I've felt incredible pain before. I felt it up until fifth year every time Petunia teased me, but now I always got incredibly angry with her, though I had never resorted to blows before. I don't think I ever will, to be honest. I felt pain the one time Petunia pushed me off of my bike and I broke my arm and then my bike fell on me when I was 10. I felt pain when my cat, Felix, died when I was 11, but even that pales in comparison to this pain. The cruciatus curse was made for mind-numbing pain.

It felt like my bones were being torn from my body, my insides were being ripped to shreds, and my head, oh, my head was pounding and I had a horrible headache. He let this continue on for who knows how long before stopping it. I stayed curled in a ball on the ground, panting, but Avery was already up again and beating me.

He was using anything he could to do it, really. He was slashing me with his wand, kicking me, punching me, and who knows what else. Every blow, every slash felt like a thousand bees were stinging me or an elephant was stepping on me. My bones ached and my vision was swimming before me. I hated it.

I closed my eyes, ready to succumb to an early and incredibly painful death, when the door slammed open and was followed by a very loud bark-like shout. I knew that shout. _Sirius._

"What the fuck are you three doing?" He stepped forward, but his eyes widened when he saw me on the ground. He pushed Avery away and fired a stunning spell at him, pleased that he had hit his mark and Avery was currently sprawled over one of the desks.

"Stup-" Sirius started, but was cut off when Zabini punched him.

"SECTUMSEMPRA!" Mulciber shouted, but, the bloke was always horrible with aim, and instead of hitting Sirius, he hit me.

Of course he did.

I felt a horrible pain in my stomach and looked down to see myself in a rather large pool of blood before I lost it.

I started to breathe hysterically.

My vision dimmed.

I blacked out.

* * *

I woke to find myself being carried bridal-style by none other than yours truly, Sirius.

"S-Sirius?" I croaked, and tried to move, but my body shrieked in protest and unleashed many aches and pains, so I let my arm hang limply over the side of him. I suddenly became aware that I was still bleeding and Sirius had a nasty cut on his face, but even in my state of almost-death I could distinguish the path to the Hospital Wing.

"You sav-ved my l-life, S-S-Sirius," I whispered, unsure if my throat could take much more talking. My voice cracked when I said his name, and he looked down at me.

"Yeah. But I'm trying to hurry, especially 'cause James is probably running around looking for you right now. It's about ten thirty and you should have been back about half an hour ago, so we tracked down that Hufflepuff Prefect that was supposed to be patrolling with you and he said that he never showed." Sirius explained, glancing around the halls.

"Did he say why?"

"No."

"It's because I'm a mudblood, huh?"

"Yes."

I started to cry. I could feel the hot tears leaving my eyes and trailing down my face, which left patterns in the blood that was caked on me like Emmeline Vance wears her foundation. Sirius started to climb a staircase when I loud, happy shout sounded from behind my long-haired friend.

"Oy, Padfoot! Been looking for you everywhere! Did you find Evans yet? I checked around the Left Tower but she wasn't there and Marlene said she wasn't in the dorm.." James started running to catch up to Sirius. You could hear him in the quiet castle.

"Oh, uh, no mate, but I have to, uh.." Sirius tried speeding up, but it didn't work.

"What's wrong, Sirius?" James' eyes widened when he saw my arm hanging out over the side of Sirius' body, "Are you carrying someone? Did you really shag Jessica Scott so much that she can't even walk?" He tried to make a joke, but Sirius looked back, panic-stricken. I was starting to breath much, much slower. Really, can he carry me _any_ slower?

"Oh shit, is that Evans?" James practically screamed and he stared down at me with a horrified look etched on his face, "What the fuck happened to her, Sirius?"

"Avery, Mucliber, and Zabini. That's what happened," Sirius didn't really need to say much more. He knew that I needed help. Badly.

I felt myself being grabbed and pulled into James' arms. He smelled good. I liked that smell. I think I'm going insane because my vision is tilting and spinning and I'm having trouble breathing. Merlin help me now.

I felt James break into a full-on run, and even passed McGonagall on the way who's question of "Why are you running and who are you carrying?" sharply cut off when she saw me and she hurried after James as well, Sirius bringing me up the rear.

My fingers curled around his white sleep shirt and it left a huge blood stain. Oops.

Maybe I was going crazy, after all.

My eyes closed sleepily.

"Lily! Don't do that!" James yelled at me, evidently speaking of me shutting my eyes. I opened them a bit. Just enough to see his hazel eyes.

I made a small noise that sounded very much like a whimper.

James turned a corner and I spotted the hospital wing doors on the other side.

My eyes involuntarily shut when my head was sent spinning after he flung himself around the corner and the darkness embraced me.

* * *

"Mr. Potter, I must ask you to leave now," I strained to understand who was saying this, as the voice was _very_ familiar. It belonged to a woman, but my eyes wouldn't cooperate. So I was stuck in the dark just listening.

"No! I'm not leaving until she wakes up!" James replied, the worry and (very, very, very) slight note of hysteria in his voice clearly audible.

"FINE!" The woman shrieked and suddenly I was very aware of who the woman was. Madam Pomfrey. That would explain it.

I opened my eyes with a great struggle, as I had realized that my nose was a bit swollen. Oh, goody. To my surprise, I opened my eyes to find James with his head on my bed, staring down at the floor in the dimming light. Madam Pomfrey was nowhere to be seen.

Before I could stop myself, I ran my hand through his hair. What was the big fuss about it anyways? Well, it was soft, but that was pretty much it. That didn't stop my stomach from flipping though. I felt him stiffen up when I touched him, so I pulled my hand away.

"Are you okay, James?" My voice cracked when I said his name from misuse.

"LILY!" James roared and pulled me into a tight hug, "I've been waiting _ages_ for you!"

I was about to send a snappy retort back but Madam Pomfrey bustled into the wing and immediately set up sitting me up. She made me drink _awful_ things.

"Well, Lily, dear, if you're sure you're not hungry.." The middle-aged woman looked like she was about to go and shove some chicken down my throat at this point, "I'll be off to bed now. Mr. Potter, if you would please leave at an appropriate time. I would not like you to keep up a patient, even if she has been out for a week."

My mouth dropped open in horror. A WEEK? I had been asleep for one whole week? This couldn't be happening! I probably missed something so important I'll just fail all of my N.E.W.T.s! My mind worked quickly and I decided to just ask my teachers about what had happened, because surely they wouldn't assign something very important with _me_ of all people missing.. Okay, that sounded incredibly arrogant. I assure you that I will never say that sentence out loud. No one needs to know that I am a bit arrogant.

"Lily, love, close your mouth. You're catching flies," James said and his expression turned to amusement as he watched me sputter when he called me 'love', "I'm only kidding. Really, I a- OW! Damn, Lils, you sure know how to hit someone in a sore spot..." He rubbed his arm near his shoulder.

"Why are you sore, anyways?" I asked in what seemed like a rather demanding voice, and it might have been, had my voice not been airy and scratchy.

"No reason. But I got you all of your homework everyday, Lils. Knew you'd be wanting it," James replied a bit smugly.

"Oh. Thanks," Why was James being so nice? Maybe it was an effort to repair the past. If this was how he was going to be, then I would have no problem being friends with him. It would certainly be nicer than us jumping down each others throats whenever we could.

James beamed at me.

* * *

I was back to school shortly after I woke up. James would visit me every day to give me my homework and talk to me. His visits became increasingly longer and soon I began to look forward to when he would come. I knew that it was probably wrong but I liked his company when he wasn't bugging me to go out with him all the time.

I sighed and was about to head down the stairs to sit by the fire and think because I couldn't sleep, but I heard voices.

"I think we're going to become more than friends, now," I knew that it was James, because, really, who else could it be?

"That's great, man. Listen, do you think I should try and shag Jill Clearwater? She's real dumb and all, and a bit of a slut, but have you seen her?" This was undoubtedly Sirius, who was always trying to hook up with _someone. _But to be honest, I think he should be getting with older students. Jill was pretty and all, but she had gone through puberty a year before and was only a Ravenclaw Fourth Year. I guess if that's what they want then they can go on ahead, as long as I don't hear them. It occurred to me that maybe the two people shagging in the broom cupboard the night I was attacked was Sirius and some young Ravenclaw. He seemed to have a taste for them.

"..Hm? Oh, yeah, sure, whatever," James said distractedly. I had no clue what he was doing at the time, but he was_ probably_ thinking about me. For some reason I only minded a little bit instead of getting all hot and bothered when he talked about me like that. Really, what in the name of Merlin is getting into me?

"I can't stop thinking about her Sirius!" James suddenly burst out, and from the sounds of it, it seemed like Sirius had closed a book or something, "I mean, she's just so _pretty_! She drives me insane, but in the good way, and I-"

"Whoa there, loverboy. This is great and all, but I really don't want to know about why you're so attracted to Red there," Sirius sighed and got up, "Now, let's go off to bed, shall we?"

Just like a few weeks ago, this sent my head spinning.

* * *

I slept fitfully after that, so Hestia had to be the one to drag me out of bed when the exhaustion hit me in the morning. I was already getting very little sleep as it was. I usually had nightmares about what happened in the dungeons, and I was trying to hold it all together. They really need to invent some special spello-tape that can mend mental damage or something, because, honestly, that's what I needed.

I hardly noticed as I buttoned up my white shirt and threw my sweater over it. I hardly noticed as I meticulously applied mascara and eyeliner to my face, and I wasn't brought back down to earth until I entered the Great Hall. A chorus loud enough to be heard filled with "Mudblood" and "Dirty whore" assaulted my ears and I tried my best not to start chucking out detentions and taking off house points like McGonagall does in her spare time.

I grabbed a bowl of oatmeal and chewed on it, occasionally laughing at Hestia and Marlene's jokes. James was a ways away from me, but he would steal looks at me when I thought I wasn't looking. It was kind of cute. A bit creepy, yes, but still.

The sound of owls filled the Hall, and my head shot up. I was still expecting the reply from my mum and dad after I sent them that letter in the beginning of the year. I spotted Henn winging her way towards me, and I grinned despite myself.

She dropped a letter in front of me, which I tore open eagerly.

_Lily-_

_Stop saying such rude things about Vernon! Petunia is a wonderful woman now and I don't think there is a better man suited for her than Vernon. Anyways, I'll just send along the invitation later. You need to show and be happy for her because I will not have you bring her down on her big day, Lily Louise. _

_Good luck-_

_Mum _

I frowned. She had seemed incredibly miffed with me. Of course she was. All she cared about now was_ lovely _Petunia and her _absolutely lovely_ wedding and her _lovely_ husband-to-be. I opened the next letter anyways. It was the invitation, but a small piece of paper had been slipped in it that mum had obviously overlooked.

_Don't you dare come to my wedding, Lilian Louise Evans, unless you give up your freak life. _

Oh.

That hurt.

More than it should have, actually.

I stuffed the wedding invitation, Petunias horrid note, and mum's letter back into the envelope and set it on fire with the tip of my wand. A blast-ended skrewt could have talked to me nicer than they did, and that's saying something.

"BLOODY HELL!" I yipped when I felt a bird peck my finger. A few people looked my way, including a set of bemused Marauders, so I just sucked on my finger and took the letter from the owl. I didn't recognize it, but it must have belonged to the school.

I broke the seal on the letter and opened it, clearly confused.

_To a Miss Lilian Louise Evans,_

_I deeply regret informing you of the deaths of your parents, Jessica Evans and Joe Evans. They were found in your shared home a few days ago on September the 28th. Their cause of death is not apparent, but we believe they both had a heart attack. It is truly a tragedy at such a young age._

_I send my regards to you and your sister, Petunia, and hope that you..._

The letter continued on for a few pages on, talking about the particulars and the such. Tears threatened to spill out of my eyes, and I tried to push down the feeling of hysteria about to come out of me, but I didn't succeed. Thick, hot tears streamed down my cheeks. I didn't know I was able to produce so much water.

Marlene became steadily paler as she read todays edition of_ The Daily Prophet. _It was probably some stupid shit about Voldemort or his Death Eaters or something. I didn't care.

I heard someone approaching me, and when I whipped around I found myself looking at a greasy Snape.

"Lily, are you okay?" He asked me apprehensively.

"GET AWAY FROM ME!" I screamed, and shoved his hand away when he reached out to dry my tears.

"Lily, no.."

I don't know why I did it. I really don't.

I socked him in the nose and I felt it shattered a bit under my knuckle.

Severus was squirming on the ground, blood streaming freely down his face, stringing together some very choicy swear words.

I made eye contact with Dumbledore, an all-knowing sad look of despair in his eyes.

_He knows._

I turned around and bolted out of the Great Hall, unsure of where to go.

All I know is that something inside of me snapped.

* * *

"What the hell just happened?" Hestia asked when James, Sirius, and Remus made their way over.

Marlene didn't say anything. She just handed Hestia the paper. The three boys were tall enough to see over her shoulder, thank Merlin.

_**DEATH EATERS STRIKE AGAIN**_

_**On September 28th the Ministry received information of a snake coming out of a skull placed over a muggle house. They immediately sent Aurors to the scene, as this has been cropping up whenever a man named Lord Voldemort's followers attacked. Inside the bodies of two muggles, who both looked to be towards the end of the middle-ages, were found. No mark was on them, so it is clear that the killing curse was used on them, and their house was partly destroyed on the inside.**_

_**"It really is a terrible thing," A ministry insider told Rita Skeeter, "This needs to stop, but I assure you the Ministry will be on it in no time!" (This official requested to remain anonymous)**_

_**The muggles inside were Jessica and Joe Evans. They had two daughters together, both undoubtedly muggle, but we couldn't find them for questioning.**_

James looked up at Marlene, clearly horrified. The other three clearly shared the same expression.

* * *

I plonked myself down in front of a tree towards the outside of the Forbidden Forest. I didn't care if something found me.

I cried and cried and cried until I thought I couldn't anymore. Then I just cried some more after I punched the tree.

* * *

**I know, I know.. There was so much action in this chapter. I felt a little bit devious this past week. I know that it could be a bit early for Lily's parents to die, but I needed that to happen to help me with things to come.  
**

**Also, terribly sorry that I didn't upload this on a Friday. I'm going to lie and say that I so DID NOT forget. Either way, I'm pretty damn siked about the fact that so many people liked my first chapter! I loved to hear everything you had to say to me. **

**So there you have it, folks. (The next chapter is coming sometime later this week or next Monday.)**


	3. Confused

**Hello all! This next chapter may be a bit confusing, but oh well.. I try, right?**

**Disclaimer: Cover art is anxiouspineapples', world is J. K. Rowling's.**

* * *

I cracked my eyes open, my neck sore from sleeping on it wrong. For a minute I was confused as to where I was, but then I realized that I had fallen asleep in the Forbidden Forest. It was pitch black outside, so I must have slept through the day. I didn't really care.

There were changes that had occurred since this morning. For starters, I could tell I was much more laid back about skipping class and all. I knew that I had to go tomorrow. I still didn't want to.

Sighing, I forced myself to get up and brush the dirt off of me. I really wasn't in the mood to be verbally attacked by Slytherins. I glanced up at the sky, which was illuminated by a low half moon, and before I knew what I was doing, my feet were carrying me on the path to Hogsmeade. I turned 17 last year so I can drink firewhiskey. Maybe I can just buy some bottles off of Three Broomsticks and leave. Probably not, but oh well. I can just sit there for a while slipping down the drain. Sounded good to me.

* * *

I pushed open the door to the Three Broomsticks, finding that it was still full of life and Rosmerta, a new waitress, was spinning around in sparkly blue heels giving people their orders (which mainly consisted of butterbeer or firewhiskey). I sat down at a booth and let out a pent-up breath that I hadn't been intentionally holding. Hestia and Marlene were going to beat the shit out of me tomorrow for disappearing and then getting drunk, but oh well.

A man in a travelling cloak sat down across from me, after asking if he could sit there, and since I didn't answer, apparently he had the liberty to.

"Hello, miss, m'names Nick.." The man, Nick, smiled at me, exposing rows of pearly white teeth, "You okay? Something bothering you?"

I opened my eyes again, and just stared at him. I knew that I probably looked horrible, but he didn't seem to care. "Everything went to shit today," I said quite frankly before taking a sip of my firewhiskey that had just been popped down by the blonde Rosmerta.

"How so?"

"..hm? Oh, well.. my parents died this morning and the last thing my mum said to me was, in different words, of course, to get my shit together and go to my awful sister's wedding even though the man she's marrying is a whale," I took a rather long draught at this.

"Oh. That's... horrible." He didn't bother to ask how they died, thank Merlin, "What's your name?"

"Lily Evans."

"You go to Hogwarts?"

"Yes."

"I graduated three years ago. I was in Ravenclaw," Nick was clearly trying to make conversation with a girl who did not want to be bothered.

"I think I saw you around every now and then, but I'm in Gryffindor, so I mainly have classes with the... S-Slytherins," I looked into my glass, drained the rest, and called for more. Nick didn't try and stop me, but his eyes shone with worry.

"What's that on your arm?"

Ah, yes. I have many nasty scars left from my.. encounter, and I don't fancy explaining them to some stranger I just met. But I did anyways.

"Um.. some Slytherins attacked me a few weeks ago," I mumbled quietly and tipped some more alcohol in my mouth. It was definitely starting to take the edge off of the pain now.

"What?!" Nick exclaimed, his face flushing with anger, "Who was it?"

"It doesn't matter. Sirius fucked them up for me, so it's okay. Speaking of which, what are you doing here, anyways?" I didn't want to talk about it anymore.

Picking up on it, Nick continued on my lead.

"Oh, I just finished Auror Academy," He shrugged and called for a butterbeer.

"Oh! I want to be an Auror, incidentally!" The firewhiskey was making me more eager than I would have been.

Nick chuckled at the sight of me. "Maybe I'll see you around, then?"

I nodded and drank more.

I spent the rest of the night, until one in the morning, to be exact, talking with Nick. He managed to learn more about Sirius, Hestia, Marlene, and even James. I think he might have been under the impression Sirius was my boyfriend. Oh well, sod it all.

By the time I got up to go back to the castle, I was too drunk to walk. The blood rushed to my head and I toppled to the floor. Nick sighed and scooped me up, careful not to touch me anywhere I might consider offensive, which was nice.

"Nick!" I gasped

"What?"

"Your hair is brown!"

Nick laughed.

* * *

I stumbled through the front doors, Nick having dropped me off just outside the grounds, and since then I had stumbled back in here. I believe I was making quite a ruckus because I ran head-first into a suit of armor and my head started to bleed. I ran like crazy out of there.

For a very long time I was just wandering, looking for the Fat Lady. I finally found her, but when I did, it was probably about 3 in the morning. Oops.

"Fortuna Major," I told her after a few failed attempts of saying the password, which, by the way, is very difficult to say when you're completely pissed.

Up the stairs to my dormitory I went, and I shoved open the door. Instead of finding my roommates asleep, as I had hoped and suspected, they were all wide awake in what seemed like a frantic search for any clues as to where I might be.

"Wass happ'nin?" I slurred, blinking at the sudden light.

"Oh, Lily!" Hestia shrieked, wrapping her arms around me, "I was so worried! Where were you?"

Marlene eyed me warily, "Are you drunk?"

I did nothing but laugh. Very loudly.

"Oh, hell," Hestia guided me to my bed where she made me lay down, "I'm not giving you anything for your hangover tomorrow, so don't even ask me, Lily Evans."

I spent a little while fiddling with my cloak when Marlene finally took pity on my and unclasped it and then tucked me into bed. Thank Merlin someone did, because I doubted I could even keep my eyes open anymore.

I heard Hestia thanking Merlin that I had gotten back when I fell asleep.

* * *

James Potter wasn't a light sleeper. In fact, he was a rather heavy one. But for some reason when he heard a scream of "Oh, Lily!" He jolted awake and looked around. Did he just hear what he thought he did?

He pulled on some pajama pants and a shirt before waking Sirius, and the two of them went down the stairs and into the common room. He found Hestia and Marlene sitting there, both staring into the fire and talking quietly.

"She's back." Hestia told us quietly before we had sat down.

"She is?" James started to jump up, but Sirius held him down.

"Where was she?" Sirius asked for James, who, by the way, was itching to go up to the Seventh Year Girls Dorm.

"Dunno. She was too hammered to tell us anything, but I know that she wasn't in the castle before she went to Hogsmeade. She kept talking about this nice bloke she met who was an Auror and how he carried her back to the castle or something."

James' eyes narrowed. This 'nice bloke' Lily had met better not have done something to her or he would have hell to pay.

"Good thing too, because if you've never seen Lily drunk, then, quite frankly, you haven't lived yet. It really is rather hysterical," Marlene sniggered, "She's so small and she drinks about as much as you two do when she is normal and happy, so only Merlin knows how much she drank tonight."

James had never seen perfect Lily drunk, so the concept was new and frightening to him.

"Well, I'm off to bed, last thing I heard her say was: 'Did these curtains always clash so horribly with my hair?'" Hestia hopped up, stifling a laugh.

"Is that why she laughed?" Sirius eyed the staircase warily, wondering whether or not he should get the small redhead wasted on her birthday.

"No. She laughed when Marlene asked her if she was drunk. She never answered, but when all you can do is laugh until you're crying at that question, then you are most certainly drunk."

"Anyways, g'night, you two."

And with that, Marlene and Hestia climbed the staircase.

* * *

"Fuck off," I hissed when Hestia prodded her awake in the morning.

"Classy, Lils. Now get up, we have classes," Hestia hissed back before pushing her off of the bed.

I groaned and opened my eyes. My head was _killing_ me. I've been drunk before and all, but this was a whole new level of a migraine. I felt like I had ran my head through a carwash or something. Fantastic, really. I wondered if James had been told that I was okay. I hoped so.

I don't know why I bothered to shower, brush my teeth, do my makeup, and get dressed. I don't know why I went down to the common room. I don't know why I even bothered to go to the Great Hall for breakfast.

I really wish I hadn't.

"Lily! What happened to you yesterday?" Snape dogged behind me when I entered the great hall, not even breaking his eye contact with the back of my head.

"Nothing. Sod off, Snape," I snapped, whipping around to glare at him.

"No! No! I want to know what happened, damn it!" Severus insisted, all the while inching towards me.

"Um, no," I said, "You and I are NOT friends. We never will be again, Snape!"

"We can be more than friends, then," Snape said immediately, and then looked like he regretted his actions. Then he leaned in to kiss me.

Okay, what? How can he think that I'm going to even _kiss_ him, let alone touch him? Ew. Ew. Ew.

So I slapped him. Hard.

"You sick, twisted bastard!" I screamed at him, "Don't ever try to make a move on me again! Now get out of my way, _Snivellus_."

Snape narrowed his eyes. It was Potter who was making her do this, he just knew it. Why else would she have called him Snivellus?

I marched away from him, heading straight for Sirius, Hestia, James, and Marlene. James was eyeing me with worry, clearly having seen my encounter with Snape, but I sent him a small smile.

"Evans!" Sirius chorused, "How's the hangover?"

"Fan-fucking-tastic, Black," I replied, laughing inwardly at his shocked expression. Perfect Lily Evans never swore.. Of course, until now, "It really is the shit, so thanks for asking."

Hestia was beating the table with her hands, keeled over, and laughing. Marlene was laughing as well, but she wasn't as enthusiastic.

I looked up at the Great Hall sky, which was cloudy and gray, as it was November, and wondered if someone was as broken as I was. Probably. Recently all of my feelings had been confused, especially towards James.

But when James grinned at me, the depression cleared, and I beamed back. It was strange how my stomach got butterflies and the sadness disappeared. Then he turned around and it all flooded back again, leaving me with a feeling of regret and I didn't know why. I sighed and poked around my oatmeal, eating a few spoonful's before pushing the bowl away and picking up my bag.

"Ready to go?" I asked, looking over at Hestia and Marlene.

"Oh, yeah, sure, I guess.." Hestia said, stuffing the rest of her muffin in her mouth, then hopping up and left the Great Hall with me.

* * *

I took notes absentmindedly, knowing for sure that I probably wasn't accurate 50% percent of the time, but I didn't care. All I was thinking about was the Hogsmeade trip tomorrow and I wondered if I would see Nick there.

When Flitwick excused us, I packed up my things and left quickly. I was going to skip the rest of my classes today. I couldn't handle the pain anymore and I needed to scream or to throw things. I walked through a secret passageway, looking back only to see Marlene looking at me with the most pitiful expression I have ever had the misfortune to see on anyone's face. It wasn't half assed either, even her eyes just screamed sorrow.

I hesitated, but shut out my emotions and trudged through the thick mass of students towards the doors. I was going to go back to the good, old Forbidden Forest hiding spot where no one could bother me. I couldn't let anyone see how much I was crumbling and falling apart, though I knew Marlene saw through parts of my disguise. I mean, it's hard to persuade her you're not upset when you show up in the early hours of the morning completely wasted. Yeah, oops. Major oops, Lily. Great job.

I picked through the gnarled roots and underbrush as I was nearing my favorite tree. Even outside in the crisp air I felt like I was suffocating. So, I did the only thing plausible for a majorly depressed 17 year old witch, which just happened to be punching a tree.

_One._ That was for mum.

_Two. _That was for dad.

_Three._ That was for Petunia being a complete and utter douchebag.

_Four._ That was for the fun of it, I guess.

I continued to punch the tree until the pain in my hand was unbearable, and even then I sent one last punch at it. When I looked down at my fist, I saw that it was bleeding and a lot of skin had scraped off. Oh well. That was the fun of it, I guess.

Only then was I able to collapse and sob uncontrollably. I was such an easy target for the creatures in the Forbidden Forest, but I just couldn't find another place that was safe for me to go to in the daytime. The Astronomy Tower was a quick way to be found unless it was nighttime, so that's why I would go to the Forest.

Crying and screaming into my balled up shirt was the only way to release all the pain that I felt, as punching the tree was no longer an option.

When I was tired, I closed my eyes and fell asleep.

Briefly, I wondered if James was worried about me.

* * *

I woke when the sun was halfway down the horizon. Dusky air surrounded me and I struggled to my feet, discovering that my hand was bright red and swollen. Another screw up for Lily Evans. I could just see Merlin scratching a piece of chalk down a black chalkboard labeled: "Lily Evans Fuckups". Tally 784 for me.

I took a leisurely pace back up to the castle, and, as usual, was not paying attention so I ran headfirst into a suit of armor. It was like a replay of last night, only this time there was more blood.

"Damn it.." My hands flew up to my head and I winced, from the pain of my hand and my head.

"Lily?"

I turned around, only to find myself face-to-face with no other than James Potter.

"What happened to you?" He asked, pulling me closer to him. I chose to ignore how much my stomach was flipping and flopping around. Stupid stomach.

"Just ran into the suit of armor, James.. I'm fine, really.." I insisted, trying and failing to ignore how much his touch was sending tingles down my spine.

"Are you really okay, Lily? Because I don't think you are."

"I-I.." My voice faltered and I couldn't say that I was because I really wasn't. I knew I wasn't. I needed help.

"Why haven't you said anything?" James tilted my chin so I would have to look him in those damn gorgeous eyes of his. Bloody prick.

"I don't know," I whispered, finally caving.

James pulled me into a rough hug, as I'm pretty sure he was unsure where to put his arms, but when one of his hands touched my waist and I didn't object, he wrapped his arms around me.

"Will you sleep in the Head's dorm tonight? You haven't been ever since we got here," James asked, looking down at me.

"Okay"

* * *

I didn't sleep in my Head's dorm because then it would seem like I was shutting myself up. At first I wanted to stay with Hestia and Marlene for a bit for fun, but then when I was attacked I couldn't bring myself to leave and I guess now was the perfect time to do it. No one would object when I was so upset all the time.

I let him take my hand and lead me through the castle. It was nice, actually, and it brought me back down to the real world. I was anchored as long as he was there to keep me down so I didn't float away to my world of pain.

"Expecto Patronum," James said after he led me down a passageway with a blank painting at the end. On command, the painting swung forward to reveal a portrait hole similar to the Gryffindor Tower one, but on a smaller scale.

"Wow." That's all I could say to him when I was led in, but all I could really think about was how clean it actually was in there and how boyish it smelled. No doubt this was the work of James, who had been inhabiting the dorm for a few months by himself now.

"Pretty nice, huh?" James asked, who beamed at me and flopped onto the couch.

I smiled for a minute before following him, and, much to his surprise, I laid down next to him and laid my head on his shoulder.

"Um.. Lily?"

"What?"

"What are you doing, exactly?"

"Laying down. Do you have a problem with this?"

"Well, no, but I just figured you would consider this too much touching for the two of us, so.."

"Just shut up and enjoy it, James."

I heard him grunt in response, but his arms encircled me and I was once more bathed in his heavenly smell.

Oh, Merlin.

* * *

"I'm going to bed now, Lily," James got up from the couch, where we had been for the past half an hour, and looked at me for a moment before starting towards his staircase.

"Oh."

"What's wrong?" James stopped going up the stairs and stared at me.

"I have nightmares, that's all." I replied honestly. Between my parents' deaths and the attack, it ensured that my nights were sleepless.

"Oh." It was his turn to be speechless.

"Well, I- I suppose you could, uh.." James motioned upwards, towards his dormitory.

"I guess, James." I tried to play it out all cool, but something inside of me was very excited.

I made my way over to him, and placed a foot on the staircase.

"You going to go up?" I asked him, who was still staring at me with increasing intensity. It was starting to freak me out.

James never answered. Instead, he grabbed my waist, leaned in, and kissed me.

I surprised both of us by kissing him back.

When his tongue wormed his way into my mouth, I parted my lips to allow better access, and molded my body into his. I swallowed his groan with a deep sense of satisfaction filling me.

I broke the kiss to catch my breath, and James grinned at me.

I rolled my eyes and started up the stairs, but James caught me from behind and wrapped his arms around my waist.

"Think you can get away that easy, Evans?" James whispered in my ear, and I'm going to be honest here and say that I groaned. I tried not to, but I did.

"That's what I thought," James spun me around and started to snog me again.

When I felt his hands slip down to my arse, I jumped up, and, with the help of James, I wrapped my legs around his stomach. He was much taller than me, so of course he had to help. Bloody arrogant toerag.

James took initiative and started to carry me up the stairs while our tongues fought for dominance, which sounds gross, but was an enlightening experience. He kicked open his door and dumped me on his bed before climbing on after me.

I grinned against his mouth and began to unbutton his shirt, which was proving difficult if James was eliciting sounds from you that you'd never heard yourself make before. James, sensing my problem, helped out, and when he finally threw the piece of white fabric on the floor my hands abandoned my hair and they roamed freely across his chest. I decided that Quidditch was the best sport there was.

James started to unbutton my shirt, so I broke the kiss so he could do it without any distractions, and when that was off his eyes instantly flew to my chest. Self-conscious teenager mode activated. He didn't say anything for a minute, so I began to get uncomfortable, but James suddenly looked up a grinned.

"Wow."

* * *

We stopped soon after that.

James rolled out of his bed and pulled his pants off, and, after seeing the look on my face, insisted that he always slept in his boxers and there was nothing that I could do about. (Not that I minded in the slightest.)

Well, okay then. If he was going to do that to me, then I would do that to him. I hopped off the bed, opened his trunk, and began to poke around for a certain shirt in particular.

"Um, Lils? What are you doing?"

"Getting a pajama shirt."

"Well, you see, your trunk is in your dorm.."

"Mhm."

Grinning, I pulled a navy blue V-neck out of his trunk. I had been looking for a lowcut shirt in particular. I shut his trunk, and, ignoring James' protests, I slipped off my skirt.

James groaned. I grinned at him.

Then, without warning, I undid my bra.

James' eyes practically bulged out of their sockets before he covered his eyes, mumbling about how it wouldn't be chivalrous and all.

I laughed at how uncomfortable I was making him before dropping my undergarment on the ground on top of my shirt. Only then did I pull on my new nightshirt, seeing as I would be stealing it after tonight.

I crawled into bed after him.

"Goodnight, James."

"'Night, Lils."

* * *

**Well, hello there!**

**If this chapter was INCREDIBLY and AMAZINGLYY confusing for you, that's okay! It was supposed to be. Lily's mind wasn't really in the greatest spot in this chapter, so if she's confused, then we should be a little bit too. **

**I've decided to only put 10 or so chapters in this story, which explains the reason why I'm going so fast here. **

**Also, I apologize for lateness. I really don't know how people can keep up with writing fanfic! Uhghhhh!**

**Anyways, thanks for all the support everyone!**

**-Twinkle**

**UPDATE: Sorry guys, but I really need to take a break from this! Reeallly need time to focus on my schoolwork, and my sports are starting up again so I don't get home until 8 or so. Promise I'll come back soon, so keep your eyes peeled :). (that sounds gross sorry)**

**Keep it classy.**


	4. Goodbye

I'm sorry guys. I might have to abandon this story. I really do.

First of all, I got impatient. I wanted James and Lily to be together so I did something that should not have been done so soon.. oh well.

Second of all, I'm losing interest in writing a Jily story at the moment. I MAY do another one in the future, but for right now, I won't be. I'm sorry!

ALTHOUGH I am now going to write a Harry/Ron/Hermione era right after the battle of Hogwarts. It could be a filler for those seventeen years that we missed out in the seventh book because honestly I think I will find much more joy in writing about them for now.

I know for a fact that I will write about them in a first fanfic, and I may do a sequel. This is all still undecided, because, knowing me, I will procrastinate, lose interest at one point, and then return. Here's for hopes that Summer will come fast.

Also, I apologize to those of you that really wanted to see this story continue but I just CAN'T keep writing a story that I screwed up so bad. :(

Anyways, check out the new story titled 'Those Seventeen Years'. Original title, yes, I know.. it should be up today (?) or tomorrow.

Stay rad-

Twinkle.

P.S. Hope you can check out TSY :)


	5. Another (and hopefully the last) update

Okay, I lied.

Sorry.. :)

but there wont be a regular old Harry/Ron/Hermione fic. Instead, I believe Im going to write another Jily one, and hopefully this time it wont get all crappy.

anyways, expect it tonight (hopefully)

I really am sorry about all this, though. So just stay tuned and I proomise I'll get at least one chapter up! It will probably be called 'And then there was one' just cause I like the name, y'know? Anyways, love you all :)

-t


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